Dumbed Down and Out in Obamastan

Not that a population that elects a Teflon-coated bullshit salesman like Emperor Barack Obama and then turns around and actually re-elects him can be deemed to be highly intelligent but there are dumbasses and then there are even dumber dumbasses. A few interesting stories caught my eye over the past few days that are a slice of present day Americana. While these are certainly amusing at face value they offer up a grim testimony of how far that we have fallen as a nation.

First, in honor of the recent Fourth of July/Independence Day weekend, a prodigy from Maine named Devon Staples managed to accidentally suicide himself by shooting off a firework from the top of his head. As reported by AP via Yahoo News “Man shoots off firework from top of his head, dies instantly”:

A 22-year-old man who was drinking and celebrating the Fourth of July tried to launch a firework off the top of his head, killing him instantly, authorities said Sunday.

Devon Staples and his friends had been drinking and setting off fireworks Saturday night in the backyard of a friend's home in eastern Maine, said Stephen McCausland, a spokesman for the state Department of Public Safety.

Staples, 22, of Calais, a small city on the Canadian border, placed a reloadable fireworks mortar tube on his head and told his friends he was going to light it, McCausland said. But his friends urged him to stop.

"Apparently, he thought that was a great idea," McCausland said. "His friends they thought dissuaded him from doing it, and the next thing they knew, he ignited the fireworks and he was killed instantly."

Staples's brother Cody told the Daily News of New York that he was a few feet away when his brother lit the firework and was the first to come to his side after it exploded.

"There was no rushing him to the hospital. There was no Devon left when I got there," said 25-year-old Cody Staples, who called it an accident.

"Devon was not the kind of person who would do something stupid. He was the kind of person who would pretend to do something stupid to make people laugh," he said.

Well nobody was laughing at Devon's career ending trick as an amateur entertainer and it must have been one hell of a fucking mess to clean up as well. Next we go to Texas where another yahoo who had been drinking developed that ten feet tall and made of steel attitude that often goes manifests itself with the potent combination of too much testosterone and excessive boozing was killed by an alligator(s) that he was reported to have been mocking only minutes earlier. As CNN details in the story “Man mocks alligators, jumps in water and is killed in Texas”:

A man who apparently mocked alligators, then jumped in the water -- despite warning signs -- is dead after being attacked in Texas.

Orange County Police were called to Burkart's Marina near the Louisiana state line early Friday morning after reports that Tommie Woodward, 28, and an unidentified woman were swimming in a bayou and had been attacked by a large alligator.

Woodward's body was found several hours later. The woman was not injured.

Orange County Justice of the Peace Rodney Price told CNN affiliate KFDM that Woodward ignored verbal warnings and a posted "No Swimming Alligators" sign and seemed to mock the deadly creatures before going in the water.

"He removed his shirt, removed his billfold ... someone shouted a warning and he said 'blank the alligators' and jumped in to the water and almost immediately yelled for help," Price said.

The "No Swimming Alligators" sign was posted this week after a 10-foot alligator was spotted in the bayou waters.

There is not much to say about someone who is so damned stupid that he would intentionally jump into a body of water that is infested with alligators. Hey, even the pros can get killed interacting with dangerous wildlife as the deceased Steve Irwin aka the “Crocodile Hunter” could attest to were he not stung to death on camera by a poisonous stingray.

Another lurid saga comes out of the great state of Florida where I happen to reside. Hey, the place has its ups and downs as far as where to live – you sure as hell can’t beat the weather during winter – but with a population of nearly 20 million there are a boatload of really dumb and angry people who live here too. A Bradenton man was arrested for "battering" his ex-wife because she chose to masturbate with a dildo rather than have sexual relations with him. The website the Smoking Gun ran the story “Cops: Florida Man Battered Ex-Wife After Accusing Her Of Cheating On Him With A Sex Toy”:

A Florida man battered his ex-wife after accusing her of cheating on him with a sex toy, according to police who arrested him yesterday for domestic battery.

As detailed in a probable cause affidavit, Triston Horne, 36, was visiting his former spouse’s Bradenton home last Wednesday when the pair began to argue. Misty Clark told police that Horne does not live at the residence, though she “does invite him over to the house.”

Clark invited Horne over on July 1 to spend the night because “he was going to take her to work” the following day, cops noted.

While in Clark’s bedroom, the duo quarreled. When Clark repaired to the bathroom, Horne barged in and “began accusing her of cheating on him. He told her that she was cheating on him with a sex toy,” according to the affidavit.

After allegedly twisting Clark’s hand, Horne returned to the bedroom, where he “grabbed Misty’s sex toy and went back to the bathroom.” Horne then "snapped the sex toy in half and walked away."

Sounds like Misty Clark had a reason for choosing the dildo over the dude that went farther than sexual satisfaction. And what would dumbness be without a story that involves our over-policed fascist society although at least the SWAT team didn't get called out for this one. An Ohio woman was arrested after calling 911 to register a complaint about shitty Chinese food. This one also comes from the Smoking gun in the story “Ohio Woman, 44, Arrested For Calling 911 To Complain About Subpar Chinese Food”:

Meet Tracey McCloud.

The 44-year-old Ohio woman was arrested yesterday after she dialed 911 to complain that food she ordered at a Chinese restaurant was not up to her standards.

According to the Alliance Police Department, McCloud called 911 from the Main Moon Chinese Restaurant around 4:30 PM Monday.

When a dispatcher asked, “What’s your emergency?,” McCloud replied, “I had bought some Chinese food and it’s not to par to me.” McCloud explained that restaurant workers were refusing to give her a refund.

The incredulous operator requested the caller’s name and asked, “And this is why you called 911?”

“Umm, what am I supposed to do? Jump over the thing and beat em up and get my money back?,” McCloud responded.

After cops were dispatched to the restaurant, McCloud was arrested for misuse of the 911 system. She is scheduled to appear in Municipal Court on Friday on the misdemeanor charge.

Not to suggest that all or any of these morons are either liberals or actually voted for Obama but they are but a sampling of the hundreds if not thousands of stories of nincompoops that are reported every day in the USA circa 2015. There is an underlying reason for why our institutions are failing that goes beyond the greed, incompetence and corruption of our politicians and bureaucrats. 

What is that old saying about getting the democracy that we deserve? Sucks but this is exactly what we get in a land full of idiots who get dumber by the day and breed like rabbits. Popular culture is chock a block with movies, video games and television shows about a zombie apocalypse but what we really should be terrified of is the already spreading dummy apocalypse.

Police Seeking Georgia Waffle House Masturbator

In another of those strange and sordid tales that exemplify the moral and cultural rot in the star-spangled republic of Obamastan, police are seeking a man who was caught on video while masturbating in a Waffle House restaurant where he was employed. The perp, a 36 year old named  Emanuel Williams is wanted on public indecency charges for the act which took place at a Macon, Georgia location on Monday. Williams is reportedly a convicted felon who had previously served time in prison on sex related charges.

As reported by the New York Daily News in the story “Ex-Waffle House employee wanted after co-worker filmed him masturbating in Georgia diner: cops”:

A Waffle House masturbator is being sought by Georgia police after video surfaced of the since-fired employee pleasuring himself in one of the restaurant's booths, authorities say.

Emanuel Williams, who up until the video's discovery worked at the Macon eatery, was filmed committing the unappetizing act by a coworker Monday who told police "no one would believe her" unless she got it on video, the Smoking Gun reported.

Sure enough, investigators who watched the video say the 36-year-old registered sex offender is "clearly" seen masturbating while facing a window as the repulsed coworker threatens to post the video on the web.

As Williams went at it, his fellow employee claims he told her that he "didn't care" if the video went viral and he "continued on until he masturbated."

The website the Smoking Gun provides more graphic details of Williams’ whipping up of a batch of fresh batter in the story entitled “Police Hunting Waffle House Masturbator”:

Investigators who watched the video reported that it “clearly” shows Williams masturbating and “has a shot of his penis.” While pleasuring himself, Williams was “sitting at a booth facing a window,” according to a Bibb County Sheriff's Office report.

As detailed in a second police report, Williams and a female coworker were the only employees in the eatery Monday when Williams announced that he was preparing to pleasure himself. The woman, who said she was on the phone at the time, told deputies that she did not take Williams seriously.

Upon finishing her call, the woman “walked over to the suspect to see if he really was jacking his penis, and he was,” an investigator reported. The woman said that she began recording Williams with her phone because she “knew no one would believe her” when she later recounted the incident.

“She stated that as she was recording him, she was telling him the whole time that she was recording him and that he was a pervert,” a deputy noted. “She stated that he responded by saying he wasn't a pervert he was just a freak."

Freak, pervert or just plain old compulsive masturbator, Williams was fired from his job with the popular chain. But beware that if he manages to evade the long arm of the law he may soon be working the griddle at a Dennys near you. It gives a whole new meaning to the term "loosely scrambled".

Idiocracy: Obama Official Doesn't Know Geography of Country U.S. is to Bomb

In a sign of our sad times of moral and intellectual decline, a White House official involved in a briefing with reporters prior to dear leader's big speech on ISIS divulged the dismal quality of this administration. Going to war is a gravely serious matter and launching a new one - as Obama did with his nationally televised decree - should be seriously thought out. Shooting from the hip, particularly in an election year when politics take priority over reasonable decision making should be forbidden. There are long-term consequences to the nation as well as lives at risk whenever there is a commitment to go to war and it is not something that should be taken lightly nor presided over by idiots.

We are talking about dealing in American blood and treasure here and if our servicemen and women are to be sent into battle in a foreign land the very least that they can expect is that there will be the utmost of competence by those who dispatch them there. It is very hard to find such competence when an administration is as packed with morons, lackeys, cronies, ass-kissers and buffoons as this one is. The case in point being that someone within the Obama Department of Dumbassery doesn't even understand the simple geography of a country that is about to be bombed by the U.S. military.

According to a story in The Washington Post entitled "White House struggles with Mideast geography":

Maybe before they extend the airstrikes against the Islamic State too far, the White House might want to double check the geography.

Obama administration officials, briefing reporters before the president’s Wednesday night televised speech, made it clear that borders, especially the border between Syria and Iraq, will not be an impediment to U.S. airstrikes.

Speaking “on background,” one official said, “We are dealing with an organization that operates freely across the border, so we will not be restrained by that border in our determination to conduct airstrikes against ISIL (or IS or ISIS or the Islamic State).”

Then a second official reemphasized that a number of countries in the region were worried about the ISIS threat moving across borders. One of the briefers noted that the terrorist army “has been I think a galvanizing threat around the Sunni partners in the region. They view it as an existential threat to them. Saudi Arabia has an extensive border with Syria.”

This was truly news. So we checked our own maps. No, Saudi Arabia doesn’t have an extensive border with Syria. Jordan has a rather large chunk of land between them.

Can somebody please start the impeachment proceedings now?  Rank and file, low-information types calling for military action against a country that they are unable to identify on a map is understandable. However, when it comes to government officials the bar should be set much higher. It is like we have finally reached the point where the cult-classic movie Idiocracy has become a prophecy as to the future of America.

Jesus H. Christ, we are totally fucked!