Dumbed Down and Out in Obamastan

Not that a population that elects a Teflon-coated bullshit salesman like Emperor Barack Obama and then turns around and actually re-elects him can be deemed to be highly intelligent but there are dumbasses and then there are even dumber dumbasses. A few interesting stories caught my eye over the past few days that are a slice of present day Americana. While these are certainly amusing at face value they offer up a grim testimony of how far that we have fallen as a nation.

First, in honor of the recent Fourth of July/Independence Day weekend, a prodigy from Maine named Devon Staples managed to accidentally suicide himself by shooting off a firework from the top of his head. As reported by AP via Yahoo News “Man shoots off firework from top of his head, dies instantly”:

A 22-year-old man who was drinking and celebrating the Fourth of July tried to launch a firework off the top of his head, killing him instantly, authorities said Sunday.

Devon Staples and his friends had been drinking and setting off fireworks Saturday night in the backyard of a friend's home in eastern Maine, said Stephen McCausland, a spokesman for the state Department of Public Safety.

Staples, 22, of Calais, a small city on the Canadian border, placed a reloadable fireworks mortar tube on his head and told his friends he was going to light it, McCausland said. But his friends urged him to stop.

"Apparently, he thought that was a great idea," McCausland said. "His friends they thought dissuaded him from doing it, and the next thing they knew, he ignited the fireworks and he was killed instantly."

Staples's brother Cody told the Daily News of New York that he was a few feet away when his brother lit the firework and was the first to come to his side after it exploded.

"There was no rushing him to the hospital. There was no Devon left when I got there," said 25-year-old Cody Staples, who called it an accident.

"Devon was not the kind of person who would do something stupid. He was the kind of person who would pretend to do something stupid to make people laugh," he said.

Well nobody was laughing at Devon's career ending trick as an amateur entertainer and it must have been one hell of a fucking mess to clean up as well. Next we go to Texas where another yahoo who had been drinking developed that ten feet tall and made of steel attitude that often goes manifests itself with the potent combination of too much testosterone and excessive boozing was killed by an alligator(s) that he was reported to have been mocking only minutes earlier. As CNN details in the story “Man mocks alligators, jumps in water and is killed in Texas”:

A man who apparently mocked alligators, then jumped in the water -- despite warning signs -- is dead after being attacked in Texas.

Orange County Police were called to Burkart's Marina near the Louisiana state line early Friday morning after reports that Tommie Woodward, 28, and an unidentified woman were swimming in a bayou and had been attacked by a large alligator.

Woodward's body was found several hours later. The woman was not injured.

Orange County Justice of the Peace Rodney Price told CNN affiliate KFDM that Woodward ignored verbal warnings and a posted "No Swimming Alligators" sign and seemed to mock the deadly creatures before going in the water.

"He removed his shirt, removed his billfold ... someone shouted a warning and he said 'blank the alligators' and jumped in to the water and almost immediately yelled for help," Price said.

The "No Swimming Alligators" sign was posted this week after a 10-foot alligator was spotted in the bayou waters.

There is not much to say about someone who is so damned stupid that he would intentionally jump into a body of water that is infested with alligators. Hey, even the pros can get killed interacting with dangerous wildlife as the deceased Steve Irwin aka the “Crocodile Hunter” could attest to were he not stung to death on camera by a poisonous stingray.

Another lurid saga comes out of the great state of Florida where I happen to reside. Hey, the place has its ups and downs as far as where to live – you sure as hell can’t beat the weather during winter – but with a population of nearly 20 million there are a boatload of really dumb and angry people who live here too. A Bradenton man was arrested for "battering" his ex-wife because she chose to masturbate with a dildo rather than have sexual relations with him. The website the Smoking Gun ran the story “Cops: Florida Man Battered Ex-Wife After Accusing Her Of Cheating On Him With A Sex Toy”:

A Florida man battered his ex-wife after accusing her of cheating on him with a sex toy, according to police who arrested him yesterday for domestic battery.

As detailed in a probable cause affidavit, Triston Horne, 36, was visiting his former spouse’s Bradenton home last Wednesday when the pair began to argue. Misty Clark told police that Horne does not live at the residence, though she “does invite him over to the house.”

Clark invited Horne over on July 1 to spend the night because “he was going to take her to work” the following day, cops noted.

While in Clark’s bedroom, the duo quarreled. When Clark repaired to the bathroom, Horne barged in and “began accusing her of cheating on him. He told her that she was cheating on him with a sex toy,” according to the affidavit.

After allegedly twisting Clark’s hand, Horne returned to the bedroom, where he “grabbed Misty’s sex toy and went back to the bathroom.” Horne then "snapped the sex toy in half and walked away."

Sounds like Misty Clark had a reason for choosing the dildo over the dude that went farther than sexual satisfaction. And what would dumbness be without a story that involves our over-policed fascist society although at least the SWAT team didn't get called out for this one. An Ohio woman was arrested after calling 911 to register a complaint about shitty Chinese food. This one also comes from the Smoking gun in the story “Ohio Woman, 44, Arrested For Calling 911 To Complain About Subpar Chinese Food”:

Meet Tracey McCloud.

The 44-year-old Ohio woman was arrested yesterday after she dialed 911 to complain that food she ordered at a Chinese restaurant was not up to her standards.

According to the Alliance Police Department, McCloud called 911 from the Main Moon Chinese Restaurant around 4:30 PM Monday.

When a dispatcher asked, “What’s your emergency?,” McCloud replied, “I had bought some Chinese food and it’s not to par to me.” McCloud explained that restaurant workers were refusing to give her a refund.

The incredulous operator requested the caller’s name and asked, “And this is why you called 911?”

“Umm, what am I supposed to do? Jump over the thing and beat em up and get my money back?,” McCloud responded.

After cops were dispatched to the restaurant, McCloud was arrested for misuse of the 911 system. She is scheduled to appear in Municipal Court on Friday on the misdemeanor charge.

Not to suggest that all or any of these morons are either liberals or actually voted for Obama but they are but a sampling of the hundreds if not thousands of stories of nincompoops that are reported every day in the USA circa 2015. There is an underlying reason for why our institutions are failing that goes beyond the greed, incompetence and corruption of our politicians and bureaucrats. 

What is that old saying about getting the democracy that we deserve? Sucks but this is exactly what we get in a land full of idiots who get dumber by the day and breed like rabbits. Popular culture is chock a block with movies, video games and television shows about a zombie apocalypse but what we really should be terrified of is the already spreading dummy apocalypse.

Super Size This Putin: McDonalds Pulls Out of Crimea

Only in Obama's America could something like this bit of 'news' be sold to the masses of asses by a corrupt cadre of state-corporate media that long ago chucked their first amendment responsibilities into the crapper to become careerist pressititutes riding on the rogue government gravy train. Those economic sanctions that have hurled at Russia with as much real effect as Zell Miller's legendary "spitballs" now are getting some real clout as the punishment towards the reincarnated red menace grows a set of teeth.  McDonalds, the tip of the spear of the corporate American imperial conquest of the world is closing locations in Crimea. This comes much to the delight of moronic consumers of the cable ‘news’ tabloid infotainment that poisons their minds as surely as the artery clogging food at Micky D’s does to their bodies. It is a sardonically funny real life example of the thoroughly dishonest rhetoric of that pathological political cynic and closet Bircher Paul Ryan's "full stomachs and empty souls" speech to the low-hanging fruit at the recent CPAC soiree.  Nothing could be more ironically truthful of the state of the American "consumer" today, whether it be focus group tested bullshit or cheap fast food that is being devoured.

Boy that is going to show Putin. I can practically see William Kristol, the Kagan Brothers, John McCain and the rest of the neocons popping the champagne corks over this latest fusillade of indignity. Considering the insane levels of hubris, delusion and arrogance among the “end of history” crowd I can really imagine that they think that depriving Russians of greasy, unhealthy American fast food is going to ignite their desired color revolution that will bring about regime change in Russia. What a bunch of  reckless and dangerous dummies and Obama and his Skull and Bones stooge John Kerry are no better. With the latest edition of the impossible dream of Israel accepting a peace deal with the Palestinians now going up like a flaming bag of dogshit John Kerry has officially become the grand marshal of the US fool’s parade. My God, what a mind boggling fiasco of a first year on the job in thoroughly screwing up everything that the stammering ass from Mass got involved in, wasn’t John Bolton available? Good God Obama, did it ever dawn on you that there was a reason why the Republicans supported Kerry for the Secretary of State gig? How is that “Team of Rivals” thing workin’ out for you now?

The news of McDonalds pulling out of Crimea is already being picked up and fed through the echo chamber with the launching pad being th neocon transmission station at the Washington Post. While it hasn't reached the columns of the A team of propagandists over at Pravda on the Potomac, namely neocon war wench Jennifer Rubin and Charles "Dr.Strangelove" Kraüthammer some so-called Russian expert named Kathy Lally is practically peeing in her pants with glee while blogging:

Talk about a Big Mac attack. Here’s a sanction with some real bite to it.

The three McDonald’s restaurants in Crimea, the Ukrainian peninsula that has been abruptly annexed by Russia, are now closed. The Ukrainian branch of McDonald’s, based in Kiev, said in a statement Thursday that they had been closed for technical reasons, perhaps referring to the difficulty of supplying your restaurants when they turn up in a foreign country overnight.

Although the United States has imposed financial and other sanctions on Moscow because of its Crimean takeover, American businesses have been left free to operate in Russia. McDonald’s said the closing was temporary, but its offer to move employees to other jobs in mainland Ukraine - and give them a three-month rent payment - made that assertion sound less than persuasive.

Crimean officials tried to minimize the enormity of being forever deprived of the seductive phrase, “Would you like fries with that?”

My fellow Americans, this is how low that we have sunk in that the closing of McDonalds restaurants in Crimea has become to this point the most kick ass club in the bag in terms of all of those threatened economic sanctions that have been endlessly threatened by Team Obama. Oh, and Mighty Taco has banned Putin from eating in any of their restaurants, I am sure that he is already on the phone with his military commanders to get the fuck out of Crimea asap. This coordinated onslaught of Russia bashing is all so ridiculous that it has descended into parody, I cannot even watch my local news anymore without being blasted with propaganda and last night there was a plea for bay area residents to adopt those stray dogs that were being hunted down to be killed prior to the Sochi Winter Olympics. It never ends as we continue to slouch towards Idiocracy, on the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon last week much to the delight of a woeful nation of TV addled zombies the reigning queen of American ignoramuses that is Sarah Palin was trotted out to partake in a Putin skewering skit , the woman is a national embarrassment yet in a rotting empire where celebrity is the coin of the realm has become mainstream. It is as if the entire nation is slowly being sucked into the vortex inhabited by such morons and is becoming nothing more than a cartoon version of itself.

Likely to further inflame tensions and up the insanity level is the outstanding denunciation of one Russian political figure  who administered a classic smackdown, according to a story in The Guardian deputy foreign minister Sergei Ryabkov mocked the current state of lunacy:

"Clearly, the US leadership is really annoyed, and cannot come to terms with the new situation, which has arisen in large part due to the deliberate line taken by the US and its allies in Europe to prepare anti-Russian forces to take power in Ukraine," said deputy foreign minister, Sergei Ryabkov, in an interview with Interfax.

"Trying to demonstrate how unhappy it is with the exercise of free will by the population of Crimea and the decisions we took related to it, Washington is ruining contacts even in places where continuing dialogue is in their own interests."

In addition to sanctions against a number of businessmen and politicians considered to be close to the Russian president, Vladimir Putin, the US has responded with other measures, including cancelling all co-operation between Nasa and the Russian space agency, except for joint work on the International Space Station.

"The situation is turning into a joke when, for example, meetings between meteorologists are cancelled," said Ryabkov.

"What can we advise our American colleagues? They should get more fresh air, do yoga, eat healthily, maybe watch some sitcoms on television.

"This is better than getting themselves and others all worked up when they know very well that the train has already departed and that childish tantrums, tears and hysterics will not help things."

HEAR! HEAR! Enough is enough of this silly horseshit. It's long past time for the adults to intervene, stick a pacifier into Obama's pie hole and send Kerry, Powers, Nuland, Rice and the neocons to go and sit in the corner until they can behave in the mature manner that should be expected of statesmen and stateswomen. Oh, and take bad ass Billy Kristol out to the wood shed and give him the type of serious spanking that would give David Vitter a hard on. America is the petulant spoiled child of the world and it is embarrassing to be an American these days due to our tantrum throwing political class. For Christ’s sake, listen to rational war criminals for a change like Henry Kissinger and George Schultz and just ignore the diaper-dumping piss babies like Kristol and the rest of his wretched gang of misfits when it comes to Russia.

Maybe the neocons can take solace that McDonalds has suspended operations in Crimea, thereby depriving the citizens of the Russian territory of the crappy food that is a major contributor to a plague of health problems here in The Homeland where we are number one - in obesity. Like the rest of our sick national obsession with being that oh so exceptional people the brainwashing that is used by McDonalds in targeting advertising to children is essential in the indoctrination process. Just like the pledge of allegiance which is something that has no place in a "free" country and more appropriately belongs in the same types of authoritarian states that are defined by the criteria that is steeped in the same hypocrisy that is being peddled to justify the new Cold War.