Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Hey! Hey! Hey! It’s Chris Christie!


"I mean what I say and I say what I mean, and that's what America needs right now,"

-Chris Christie

Arriving on the scene like a charging RINO, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie officially waddled his way into an already bursting at the seams Republican presidential field. Christie’s belated entry has been a foregone conclusion ever since his campaign went live with the website on Saturday. The Garden State boss man made his announcement at his alma matter, Livingston High School where he worked to sell himself as a man of the people who vowed to put the shards of the shattered American dream back into place by working together to solve the nation’s problems.


Christie was joined at Livingston High School by family, childhood friends and longtime supporters for the announcement, which leaned heavily on his family background and the community he grew up in. Two people spoke before Christie took the stage: A friend of his mother's and a former Christie classmate, both from Livingston.

"I've spent the last 13 years of my life, as U.S. attorney and governor of this state, fighting for fairness and justice and opportunity for the people of the state of New Jersey. That fight has not made me more weary. It has made me stronger, and I am now ready to fight for the people of the United States of America," Christie said.
He added that the nation needed to restore "strength and decision-making and authority back in the Oval Office," as he announced his candidacy for the GOP nomination.

Christie entered and exited the stage to music by Bon Jovi, one day after Jon Bon Jovi hosted and performed at a fundraiser for Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton. The first song that played as the doors to the gym opened to the public was Bruce Springsteen's Glory Days, but songs from Christie's musical idol were absent from the event itself.

On the eve of his announcement, the governor's office announced a series of actions that would be looked upon favorably by core national constituencies for Republicans
He directed his attorney general to change state regulations to require firearm applications filed by victims of domestic violence or violent crimes to be considered on an expedited basis, within 14 days. And for a sixth time, he vetoed bills providing additional funding to family planning clinics and expanding Medicaid coverage for such services.

All fine and dandy but it is obvious pandering to the conservative base to defund abortion clinics and loosen gun restrictions but the main thing between Christie and the rest of the crowded field selling that shtick is that he is as phony as the day is long. The late, great political writer Hunter S. Thompson had a great quote for grifters like Chris Christie and it went like this:

“The main problem in any democracy is that crowd-pleasers are generally brainless swine who can go out on a stage & whup their supporters into an orgiastic frenzy—then go back to the office & sell every one of the poor bastards down the tube for a nickel apiece.”

Times have changed and guys like Christie would sell out the schmucks for a nickel a dozen these days. It’s hard to see how Porky Soprano could have any real credibility with conservatives who have been paying close attention ever since he was sliming around the Jersey Shore with Emperor Obama back in 2012 with Barry’s crank practically stuffed into his mouth. People have long memories and those same people are likely to recall that Christie’s Obama love fest probably put a hell of a ding in Mitt Romney’s hopes as did his shamelessly self-centered keynote speech at the Republican National Convention in Tampa.

The biggest laugh line from Christie’s speech today had to be that “Both parties have failed our country by refusing to work together”. I just love these con artists who run against the political establishment by seeking to fix things by putting themselves in charge of that same establishment. Besides, working together would be another word for “bipartisanship” which is code speak for “Fuck You!”. It was the rats working together that just guaranteed millions more lost American jobs by cramming Obamatrade down all of our throats. In layman’s terms it is horseshit and sensible voters should run away from anyone who dares to spout such balderdash as if they had the Ebola virus.

Christie’s “straight talk” vows are cribbed from the senile old bastard John McCain’s failed 2008 run and the infamous “Straight Talk Express”. He also waited a bit too long to try to foist himself off as one who speaks truth to power because that particular role has already been filled by Donald Trump who is gaining in popularity because unlike all of the rest of the poseurs, he can truly run as an outsider.

Christie is pathetic although what will likely be a very short run for the White House will be the source of much fodder for comedians who delight in telling fat jokes.